feet in italy, heart in oklahoma

 As a military spouse you know the feeling of homesick.  

It's a common feeling that you often recognize 

take a deep breath 

and 

swallow the pain 

and continue with your day.

 However 

this a different feeling. 

This week

 my home state was devastate by a tornado. 

This  is a feeling of loss, 

helplessness, 

and sadness.

 It's a pain that cannot be swallowed. 

In a few short days I will be coming home 

and 

I fear seeing the devastation 

and 

feeling the heartbreak of a state. 

  Places that once held memories are now simply a pile of rubble. 

Many of my friends lost their homes,

 lost years of memories, 

and hard work. 

I have friends that were at work and lost their vehicles.

 All these are material possessions 

however 

even material possessions hold memories and heart felt value.  

My heart aches for the children in the elementary schools

 and 

the ones who lost their home. 

Their simple innocent minds 

are forced to understand this complex thing we call Mother Nature 

that even adults sometimes can't fathom.

I lift you up oklahoma in prayer and thought.  

My hands feel tied, my heart is breaking, and I want to be with you.   

I will pray for those who have lost whether it be life or material possessions.

 I will pray for the children

 that they find peace and consistency in the chaos. 

 For the parents 

who area forced to explain this devastation to the children, 

I pray you God gives you wisdom and words to heal your child's heart.

 For the rescue workers, the volunteers, the healthcare workers, 

I pray your hands work swiftly 

and 

that you know the value of your deeds.  

Oklahoma I pray for you. 

This morning my husband summed it up perfectly, "Ok, tornado you messed with Oklahoma.  

But we've been here before. 

we've rebuilt. 

we are pretty resilient" 

my feet are in italy

but my heart is in

oklahoma

a mother's day letter to my daughter

my sweet emerson,

it is my second mother's day as your mother

but 

the first full year i have been your mother

so 
to me

it's almost like my first mother's day

this year has flown by

and 

not a day goes by that

 i don't wish i could pause time

and 

live the day

over and over

mother's day is to celebrate mother's

but 

my sweet daughter

it is because of you

that 

i am the mother i am

every day

i try harder and harder

to be the mother you deserve

you have such a pure heart

loving all

laughing often

enjoying life

and 

i try every day 

to have your heart

in the trying moments

when my nicely cleaned floor

is 

quickly filled with toys

i remind myself

that this too shall pass

 and 

i will desire a floor filled with toys again

when you pull at my leg

saying so sweetly 

"up"

and 

i burn the dinner 

because i am holding you

i do not mind

for one day 

i will cook a gourmet dinner

look down 

and you will not be there

my television shows 

have now given way

to sesame street

dora

and 

bubble guppies

my books

are gathering dust

while

i read 

"goodnight moon"

"barnyard dance"

and 

your favorite

"polar bear polar bear what do you hear" 

i know that in time

i will read my books again

and

wish for a reason to dust off yours

one day 

my sweet daughter

not so far away

i will not hold you

i will not nurse you

i will not be your source of comfort

or 

the one who you babble all your new exciting news to

and 

while i will cherish

how my role 

as your mother 

has evolved

today

i wish to hit pause

to live in the moment

and 

to say 

thank you 

for letting me be your mommy

you are the best mothers day gift

i could ever have 

i love you much